GQ: Rust Belters Can’t Dress

Lists! More specifically, lists of cities in magazines! Without them, we probably wouldn’t know anything about cities at all!

The sunglasses really complete the ensemble.

Well, good news for list-lovers everywhere. GQ has produced a especially funny one cataloging the 40 worst-dressed places in the country. And as you might expect, the Rust Belt performs admirably!

Pittsburgh takes top regional honors, coming in at third overall. CG describes the city’s style as “game day casual,” which you gotta admit it, is pretty much right on.

Meanwhile, St. Louis logs in at 10th, given their penchant for sweatpants (a problem that apparently plagues Rust Belt cities near and far).

Sprinkeled in there, you’ve got some obvious choices (Jersey Shore) and some head-scratchers (Brooklyn, San Francisco (gotta’ hit all the major markets with these things, ya know!)).

Buffalo scores a respectable 25th. (Again, sportswear is the culprit.)

Cleveland logs in at 30th, with a special shout out to the denizens of West 6th Street (“a Jersey Shore penal colony”).

Detroit, 31st, is single-handedly downgraded by the ostentatious attire of its former mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Sorry, guys!

Oh, Kwame, you're so fresh!

You know what guys? I have one thing to say about this: FINALLY A LIST THAT MAKES SENSE!!

When I was a young gun attending Ohio State University, I remember it appeared that my classmates were wearing a uniform: jeans and an Ohio State sweatshirt. Literally 30 percent of the classrooms, everyday, were populated by people wearing some iteration of this ensemble.

One day, I was walking to class with a roommate and she asked me why I was wearing a skirt. I was like ‘Uh, because I felt like it.” This auspiciously dressy item, mind you, was a floor length, fleece skirt (I was going though a hippie phase, ok?) But that was really pushing it.

Sometimes, I see a nice outfit at a store and I think, ‘Ah, nevermind, I live in Ohio.’ (I don’t attend too many formal dinners. In fact, I get mad if beers cost more than $4.)

So, a month or so ago, I visited Toronto, and I was walking down the main drag Yonge Street. This extremely hot woman walks by wearing one of those purposely see-through shirts. I was whoa, ‘Did you see that?’ to my boyfriend. Because in Cleveland, if you wore something like that, you would be accosted, or something, I’m not sure. You’d get way more attention than would maybe be comfortable. (Or maybe people would just think you were crazy and wouldn’t notice, it’s unclear.)

Anyway, Rustifarians, what do you guys think? Are you enraged?

Is there some sort of Prada rebellion going on in some obscure corner of Toledo I don’t know about?

Are we completely hopeless forever?

Thoughts?

-A.S.

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